Everyone has sabotaged themselves at some point in life. We’ve all been there, a time or two, or three, or more. It happens to the best of us. We set out to achieve a goal with the best of intentions, and with high hopes. But when the time comes for reaping the benefits from our actions, we get nothing. We feel guilty, frustrated or disappointed. We get the opposite of what we wanted because we made the wrong choices again — with an emphasis on “again.” This self-defeating tendency is known as self-sabotage.
How We Sabotage Ourselves
Self-sabotage is when you act against your own best interests; you may be working to achieve something, and avoiding it at the same time. In other words, you make the choice NOT to do something that you need to do in order to achieve your goal. When you’re self-sabotaging, you’re working against yourself. It’s self-destructive. Instead of doing what you want to do, you do the opposite. And you do it on a regular basis.
There are a number of ways that we can sabotage our own happiness and success. Self-sabotage can be disguised in many forms. Of course, it’s all linked to a deeper fear. Some of the ways that we sabotage ourselves include: procrastinating, being easily distracted, perfectionism, doubting ourselves, or being overly critical.
Being a people-pleaser can also be self-sabotaging. We sacrifice our potential success as we put our own goals on the back burner to do what others want us to do, or what others think we should do. So, we end up stuck.
Whenever you put off doing something that you really want to do, it becomes an unexpressed possibility. It’s a missed opportunity for experiencing what you desire and living a more fulfilled life. But you can break-free from this self-defeating tendency.
Read these books for motivation to help transform your behavior and re-connect with your values to overcome self-sabotage; and get ready to embrace success by doing the things that you truly desire to do.
9 Books for Overcoming Self-Sabotage
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1/ The Gifts of Imperfection: 10th Anniversary Edition - By Brené Brown
The Gifts of Imperfection will help you to live more authentically and appreciate your worth. What transforms this book from words on a page to effective daily practices are the ten guideposts to wholehearted living. The guideposts not only helps you to understand the practices that will allow you to change your life and family, they also walk you through the unattainable and sabotaging expectations that get in the way.
2/ How to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse - By Caroline Strawson
How to Heal After Narcissistic Abuse will help you to release inner shame, heal at a deep nervous system level, and reconnect with your true self. This book integrates trauma-informed practices with positive psychology to educate and inspire you to heal from trauma, turn pain into purpose, and step into your strength.
3/ Homecoming: Healing Trauma to Reclaim Your Authentic Self - By Thema Bryant
Signs of disconnection from self can take many forms, including people-pleasing, depression, anxiety, and resentment. Healing starts with recognizing and expressing emotions in an honest way and reconnecting with the neglected parts of yourself, but it can’t be done in a vacuum.
In Homecoming you'll discover the therapeutic approaches and spiritual practices to live a more expansive life characterized by empowerment, healthier relationships, gratitude, and a deeper sense of purpose.
4/ Reclaim Yourself: The Homecoming Workbook - By Thema Bryant
In Reclaim Yourself: The Homecoming Workbook, Dr. Bryant incorporates journal prompts, grounding exercises, spiritual practices like prayer and meditation, and embodied healing through dance and movement to help you process your past, center your present, and transform your future.
Trauma and everyday challenges can cause you to disconnect and fall into survival mode. This comprehensive workbook gently leads you back to your authentic self by helping you to process difficult emotions and identify how ordinary and traumatic stress may have led to harmful patterns, including unhealthy relationships, people-pleasing, control issues, and self-sabotage.
5/ Rushing Woman's Syndrome - By Dr. Libby Weaver
Never before have women been in such a hurry to do so many things for so many people. And while the pace of modern life has drastically increased, our physical biology has not kept up. In Rushing Woman's Syndrome, nutritional biochemist Dr. Libby Weaver explains how a stressful, fast-paced lifestyle can have concerning consequences for all areas of a woman’s health.
Inspired by Dr. Libby’s clinical and personal experiences with women who are struggling, this book offers real solutions to restore your well-being, so that you can stay both productive and healthy.
6/ The Attention Fix - By Dr. Anders Hansen
In this powerful guide, Dr. Hansen provides groundbreaking strategies to reclaim your focus and mental well-being. Unveiling the evolutionary reason for our distractibility, The Attention Fix sheds light on the toll our constant connection to smartphones and digital devices takes on our mental well-being.
Learn to curb your addiction to screens and cultivate deep, single-task focus to experience a renewed sense of happiness, improved health, and enhanced productivity
7/ Why Do I Feel Like an Imposter? - By Dr. Sandi Mann
All of us, at one point or another, have questioned our capabilities and competence. Maybe you've wondered how you got hired, and got handed big job responsibilities? One recent article suggested that 70% of people will experience at least one episode of Imposter Syndrome (IS) in their lives.
Why Do I Feel Like an Imposter presents an accessible and engaging examination of IS and how it affects us—not just at work, but as teenagers, parents and beyond.
8/ Get Out of Your Own Way - By Mark Goulston and Philip Goldberg
Get Out of Your Own Way has been a highly recommended guide since its release in 1996. It includes practical, proven self help steps to show how to transform 40 common self-defeating behaviors, including procrastination, envy, obsession, anger, self-pity, compulsion, neediness, guilt, rebellion, inaction, and more.
9/ Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free - By Nancy Levin
Do you feel like a "pushover"? Do you let other people make all the plans--letting them pick the movie, the restaurant, or the vacation destination? Does self-care feel selfish to you? And do you find yourself feeling resentful toward others because they don't seem to take your needs into consideration?
Can you relate? If the answer is yes, this is the book for you!
In Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free, master coach, teacher, and author Nancy Levin will help you establish clear and healthy boundaries. This book includes exercises and practical tools to help even the most conflict-averse, people-pleasing readers gather the courage to set bottom-line boundaries and learn new habits.
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